Let's Get Real Letters

It’s not you, it’s the plot.

Anybody knows me knows that I am a TV phanatic. Watching TV is seen as a bad thing, but we all do it. Ive watched so many shows and I can go on and on to you about the shows I recommended and have rewatched 7 times, but instead of doing that I’ll tell you about the TV shows that were almost great, but didn’t quite make it. I never got hooked on them. They showed promise, I pretended to enjoy it, but they just lacked something so I never finished them.

All my failed TV relationships:

  1. Veep – I watched a good season and a half of this. I liked it but it was a little too much. A little too much going on, a little too much excessive cursing, and a little to much chaos. A show should have a lot of stuff happening so you are kept on your toes, but not too much that you feel overwhelmed. That’s the problem I had with veep. Also, there is not one quality character. I don’t have to like EVERY character, but there has to be one that I’m rooting for. All the characters on veep were dislikable. No redeeming characteristics. Maybe one day I’ll try veep again, but today is not that day. Type of breakup: It’s not you, it’s me (it’s actually you).
  2. Arrested Development – Arrested development was good. There was a couple characters I liked, it was funny, and it was pretty unique. It was just missing something and I found myself not wanting to watch more than one episode in a row. Which isn’t a common thing for me. I feel like I will try to watch this again but it won’t work out again. But maybe you’ll like it. It just wasn’t for me. Someone else also came into the picture (a different TV show). Type of Breakup: I’m seeing someone else.
  3. Reign – Reign and I were going so good. Reign had it all. It was amazing in every possible way. But then BAM one episode and it all falls apart. I try to get back into it but I can’t. I don’t want to give a big spoiler alert so I won’t say what happened, but it was a big fall out. Such a sad story. Type of Breakup: WE’RE DONE.
  4. The Fosters – I tried really hard to like the fosters. I watched it after I finished gossip girl, and was experiencing a rough time. It was destined not to work out. Plus, there were many flaws. The weird incest vibe going with the girl and her foster brother, the incredibly annoying lead character, and the repetitiveness of every single episode. Type of Breaking: I just got out of a long-term relationship and I was too quick to get into this.

There are all of my TV breakups. I’ve finally come to the point where I can talk about this. Just joking. Anyway, happy TV watching!

Tara L.

P.S. A follow up to “Walking on Sunshine (in February)”… I got out of school today! HALLELUJAH!

Casual Letters

Walking on Sunshine (in February)

Hey guys!

Today was 65 degrees! In winter!

I became a new person. I sprang out of my shell. I am new.

I’ve self diagnosed myself with seasonal depressive disorder because in winter I literally want to die 24/7. But today I walked out of school and wow! The sun was hitting my skin! So when I got home I immediately put on shorts, jumped on my trampoline, sun-bathed, dived in the pool, and called an official beginning to summer 2017. If it actually was summer I’d probably be curled under 5 blankets at the fire because 65 degrees would feel like the tundra. But today it felt like I was living in Hawaii. I took it a little too far but I was just feeling so great.

All my problems seemed to disappear. I realized that all bad things end so life is pretty good when you think about it. School ends at 2:30, winter ends in June, and Trump’s presidency ends in 4 years! So if everything comes to an end then it’s all okay. Life will go on AND be good once you’ve got the bad thing out of the way with!

See, on a regular winter’s day I would not have these thoughts. I’d feel like life is just eternal death, and the sun will never come up, and winter will just go on until I die and I’ll be left to die with hypothermia. And in winter my problems seem HUGE. I drop my pencil. My life is over. I don’t have a partner. Mine as well be dead. I sneeze. Life is the worst. However when I stepped out into the sun today I kid you not I literally didn’t care if anything went wrong in the day. That NEVER happens. Life should just be one eternal summer!

This is why I’m very worried. I feel so good right now. Life is good. The world is just. There’s some puppy wagging his tail right now. But tomorrow the forecast is 5 inches of snow. Earth, am I right? But really I have spring fever right now, but tomorrow I’m gonna be drowned by snow? How does that work? All my teachers got my hopes up for no school. That means I’m going to have school. But like the idiot I am I didn’t do my work for tomorrow cause they said no school. I’m worried because my seasonal depressive disorder has finally been lifted, done away with. If I have school tomorrow AND there’s snow, it’ll be back. It’ll be back in full swing, and I’ll be hit real hard. I can’t bear the thought of the brown mushy snow on the side of the roads, the cold, my inability to be able to wear certain shoes outside. I hate the snow. And if it’s there I better not have school. If I do I’ll be oh so sad. So if you’re out there please pray that this poor little brat won’t have school cause she does not want to go back to the sad pit of dispair that is winter.

Tara L.

P.S. Okay looking back on everything I wrote, this sounds a little too dark. I just hate winter. And the snow. And when the poor dogs are shivering on the sidewalk. And I already said it, but the dang gross brown mush on the side of the road that makes me want to puke.

 

 

 

Casual Letters

Picky Reader

Hi!

I just finished Macbeth for school, thank god, and it got me thinking. Why do I have to read literal crap like that? If there any Shakespeare fanatics out there, sorry, but… why? Anyway, it was so bad. I don’t feel like it even made me a better reader either. Cause for all 100 pages I “read” over it. You know, “read”, like I payed attention for about 2 lines and then started to just say it but it lost all meaning. And sometimes I’d realize I hadn’t comprehended 5 pages of it and it’d be like waking up from a coma. Not that I know what waking up from a coma is like. If I did this blog would be WAY more interesting. So then after I read an act I’d just got on my phone and spark notes the heck out of it. So what did I really get out of Macbeth? A bunch of wasted time.

That’s why I’m a picky reader. They feed us the crappiest books at school and it makes you start to wonder why books even exist in the first place. What’s the point? So now I am very skeptical when picking out a book for pleasure. Which only happens at the beginning of summer when I want to turn over a new leaf and become an intellectual. It never really works out. But if I am picking out a book, I am quick to turn one down. Boring cover? Denied. Small font size? Denied. That weird yellowish paper? Denied. I know you’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but I think in the case of BOOKS you should. I don’t apply that to the rest of my life. I don’t deny a friendship just cause she’s wearing uggs. So I think its fine to judge a book by its cover. Cause hey, in my experience, books with a cover I like, I like the inside. I’m sure there are many books I haven’t read just cause they look boring are actually amazing. I’m stupid, there’s no denying it. And maybe one day I’ll gain the wisdom and start to just read all books cause all literature has value and meaning and blah blah blah. But for now I’m gonna stick to my old method.

Speaking of crap books have you guys ever read Big Fish? Horrible, horrible book. And Beowulf we had to read for school recently. I think I got stupider from reading in those viking terms. See I know I got stupider because I just said stupider. I love writing, but I’m sort of terrified to write because they always say to become good at writing you have to be good at reading. I am a CRAP reader. I can’t pay attention for more than 5 minutes and if there isn’t some love story in there, chances are I’m not interested. Also I read at the speed of a struggling 3rd grader. I don’t know how the speed readers do it. They are the real superheroes. My horrible reading skills probably account for my terrible taste in books. I’d like to think that my taste is amazing in every possible way, but I know the one area it lacks in miserably is books.

There’s my daily little rant. Sorry for all the complaining. Turns out I have this rare disease  where I can’t go 5 minutes without complaining about something totally irreverent. Sad.

Tara L.

P.S. Sorry for ending this like a Trump tweet. But it IS sad. Also turns out my disease isn’t that rare. Many people suffer from this disorder. All the people affected by it are called wimps.

 

Memories, Tall Tales, Fables and Other Letters

The Snack Thief

Hi everyone!

And by everyone I mean all 3 of my lovely readers.

Today I thought I’d tell the short but scarring story of my old buddy Jaymere. Maybe it’s spelled Jymere. I don’t know I’m going to go with Jaymere even though that’s probably wrong, but I just remember you say his name like jay at the beginning not jy. But it’s probably jy.

Not important. Anyway, so Jaymere and I were in the 4th grade together. I was a very good kid in fourth grade, pretty much an adult trapped in a tween body. When I was in elementary school though, I thought I was so cool. I thought I was the best and I had so many friends and blah blah blah. But when I actually look back on it I realize I was nowhere near as cool as I thought and I had friends but not THAT many and I was pretty nerdy.

Off topic again. So Jaymere was quite the rascal and he kept on acting up so my teacher decided to give us assigned seats. Surely enough I had the PLEASURE of sitting next to Jaymere cause the teacher made the classic move “maybe if I put the delinquent next to the good kid they’ll learn their ways.” Nope. That move has never worked, and will never work. At least in my experience.

So poor little Tara had to sit next to Jaymere. I packed my lunch everyday and I had ALL the good stuff. Fruit roll ups, rice krispies, all the stuff your parents probably shouldn’t feed you but do anyway. Jaymere didn’t pack lunch. But Jaymere never wanted to buy lunch either. Everyday without fail Jaymere would put his greasy little face against my ear and go WAP WAP WAP and make other siren-like noises until I gave him my lunch. Again, this goes to show that I was the classic nerd. It’s like when the bully picks up the nerd by the suspenders and tells him to give him his lunch in all the cartoons. In hindsight I feel bad for Jaymere. The kid clearly did not like school lunch and his parents wouldn’t pack him a lunch. I wonder if he lived in a broken home.

So I’d tell Jaymere no but then I would get fed up and just want to eat my lunch is peace so I’d give Jaymere the dang fruit by the foot. Some days I’d try to get Jaymere to be cooperative. I’d try to get Jaymere to play a game so he’d have something to focus on other than shouting in my ear. But it didn’t work. Cause Jaymere wanted those goldfish. So then like the little wus I was I asked the teacher if I could move tables and so I did. It was a pretty jerky move on my part cause now some other poor soul had to switch seats with me and sit next to Jaymere. I can’t remember who had to but I feel a personal connection and sorrow towards them. If they are reading this I extend my greatest apology to you. I shouldve handled it like a real 3rd grader and took my juice box squirted Jaymere with it until he backed off.

Back to the story, about a year later Jaymere threw a tennis ball at recess and broke a parked car’s windshield. Good times.

That’s the story of the young Jaymere. Right know Jaymere may be the valedictorian of his class and skipped 2 grades, or in prison. For all I know either is plausible. I hope he’s doing okay. I hope he started packing lunch to school. Cause if there is anything to be learned from this story, pack your lunch to school and pack a couple extra snacks in case some kid starts yapping in your ear.

Tara L.

P.S. I don’t feel uncomfortable mentioning Jaymere by name because there is absolutely no way he is reading this. Jaymere will be a witness of the “bowling green massacre”  before he reads this blog. By that I mean he is not reading this. However, if in some alternate dimension he IS reading this, then god, you really pulled a funny one there. You really got me, didn’t you. And Jaymere, if you’re there, I meant none of what I just said you were a pure delight, and congrats on not being in jail! Unless you are reading this from jail.

Casual Letters

Breaking News: Weekend Approaching Death

Do you ever see quotes that are like “don’t live for the weekend” and “make everyday the best day”? I appreciate that mindset, but look, I don’t need that sas. Weekends are ALWAYS going to be better than weekdays. There is absolutely no arguing this. And if you tell me that they’re equal, you’re lying to yourself.

I think of my week in a very methodical and honestly, pretty pessimistic way, but I can’t help it so don’t fight me on this. Here’s how the week goes:

Sunday: can’t-get-anything-done-cause-i’m-too-busy-contemplating-death-day

pre-monday

Monday: Satan’s fun day

monday

Tuesday: Isn’t this supposed to be better than monday?

pretty much monday

Wednesday: Shouldn’t I be dead by now?

why does this still feel like monday

Thursday: Yay it’s fri- crap

how come life is just a never ending monday

Friday: weekend imposter

the next monday is getting ready for attack oh no

Saturday: LIVIN IT UP (by that I mean mostly naps)

monday is scheming

So that’s pretty much how the week goes for me. This weekend I have off Monday, thank god, so I’m in the LIVIN IT UP mode right now, but I can feel the pre-monday doom approaching. It’s like when you hear a fly’s buzz in your ear and then you aimlessly swat the air around you. Then you get a few minutes of peace but then you start to hear the buzzing again. Then the buzzing gets louder and louder and louder until BAM it’s Monday. I am so bad at Mondays. I am so bad at getting up in the morning and performing life tasks. I am not good at being a human. Like I never want to brush my teeth cause that so much work and washing my face, so much effort. Then putting my contacts in, what a hassle, eating breakfast, eh too lazy, and then getting into the igloo that is the car at 7am in complete darkness and you start to wonder if the sun will ever come up again or if it even existed in the first place, cause the total lack of heat in your body right now begs to differ against the sun’s existence. And then the real crap starts. You have to do work and interact with humans in a time of day where everything just seems like it has come to an end. Most days feel like a cycle of this except for the precious Saturday. Saturday is so precious. She’s like a little baby and if anybody hurts her innocence I will personally hunt them down and kill them. The poor little in kids in China that have to go to school on Saturday. They don’t get to experience the beauty of a Saturday. Somebody needs to save them. We need to go and fight to get their Saturdays back. If you’re with me join the resistance, join the fight. We leave at dawn.

Tara L.

P.S. I fooled you! Did you all really think I mean that about leaving at dawn?!? PLEASE! I’m not getting up by then!! Nobody needs that!

Casual Letters

The Many Faces of Procrastination

Hi guys,

I am the biggest procrastinator. Not the biggest as in biggest person, I am a small person. But biggest as in I procrastinate a great deal. My procrastination takes many forms. One form is this blog. I could be doing homework or getting a head start at life but instead I am talking into this empty void that is my blog. However this is one of the better forms of my procrastination. At least this is sort of productive. But sometimes my procrastination is the most random, most pointless things. Sometimes my procrastiation is…

  1. Videos of pictures of children each day over the course of like 5 years so you see them go from baby to sort-of-baby.
  2. Videos of people singing pop songs except the lyrics have been put through google translate 50 times so it’s all whacked up.
  3. What-type-of-inaminate-object-are-you Buzzfeed Quizzes.
  4. Articles about which celebrities are the rudest (so if I become famous I can plot their demise).
  5. Bee movie memes (like the bee movie but every time they say bee it gets faster)
  6. Naps.
  7. And obviously netflix.

Some of these are stranger than others, as you can see. But procrastination is very odd and honestly rude. Why can’t it just leave me alone. I’d love to get stuff done. I’d love to be a girl boss. But I can’t. Cause procrastination is the worst. She’s this shape-shifting devil that knows how to catch my attention in the worst ways. Hopefully one day my attention span will be greater and I won’t be fascinated with the same things as a 7 year old. One day.

Tara L.

P.S. When will this blog gain stardom? I’m getting impatient. Blog gods, if you’re listening, speed this thing up. I’m waiting.

 

Let's Get Real Letters

Hey Guys, Some Thoughts

Hey Guys,

So I was just thinking that maybe if we all decide to not do some things life would be better. All of our lives would be better. So if we all could just mull it over that would be great.

Some things that we all should just collectively stop doing:

  1. Eating eggs – I know that you guys like them but guys, they smell like crap. So maybe if we could just all stop so we didn’t have to smell it, that would be great.
  2. Going to school – Guys, come on, this is so unneccesary! If we all just stop then none of us would be smarter than each other so we could still get jobs and stuff! Cause guys, waking up at 6 am sucks! It’s miserable! So if we all decide that school is stupid and we don’t need it, that would be a-okay.
  3. Shaving legs – For real guys, lets stop. Who thought it was a good idea to scrape metal against our skin! That stuff is fragile! Like you push it too hard then bam you’re gushing out blood. And for guys shaving faces is necessary I guess cause beards get gross and stuff stays in the hair, but with legs, its not like legs catch crumbs! There is literally no purpose! So if we all decide to stop then it would become normal and we’d all get to stop torturing ourselves. Sounds great, right?
  4. Using chalkboards – Chalkboards are so gross. Guys. Just imagine nails on the chalkboard. And chalk dust on your hands. That is so gross. So lets just stop. Now we got whiteboards so what’s the point?
  5. Waking up before 8 am – I was going to say 9 am but I think that would be asking too much from you guys. So I’m being reasonable. 8 am is early enough. There is legitimately no point getting up before then. If we all just decide to get up at 8 am, nothing would happen before then and we’d all get the good nights sleep that we DESERVE. So let’s do it guys. Let’s make it happen.

So there it is guys. I hope you take it into consideration. The list goes on and on but I don’t want to overwhelm you so this is where I’ll leave it right now. Expect more though, cause I’ve got so many ideas. Anyway, thanks guys, you’re the best.

Tara L.

P.S Would you guys prefer I start writing love, or yours truly, or some crap like that? Cause if that’s what you want I’m totally up for it. You know what I say, anything for you guys!