I just got back from a family party at my grandma’s house. I came to notice the patterns that exist at every single family party, and how being at the family party affects my behavior. Here are some family-party-archetypes that you all have probably seen or experienced in your life (if you’re part of a white-suburban family most likely):
- The Wise Pop: The Wise Pop sits in the same seat the whole night with the remote in one hand, and a beer in the other. He gives good hugs and gives out good laughs. The person at the party everyone can’t help but loving.
- Hard-Working Grand mom Poor grandma doesn’t get much help around the kitchen, but she cooks a mean turkey. She’s the first one to welcome you when you walk through the door and the last one to give you a hug before you leave. Everybody loves her and she loves everybody.
- Drunk Uncle: Speaks for itself.
- A ‘Lil Too Chatty Aunt: A ‘Lil Too Chatty Aunt is a lil too chatty. She talks about her kid’s problem, who can hear everything because they are literally 3 feet away. ‘Lil Too Chatty Aunt has had a lil too much wine tonight. ‘Lil Too Chatty Aunt gossips about other aunt who missed the party a lil too much.
- Aunt Who Missed The Party: Murmurs rumble throughout the sunroom the whole night about the aunt who missed the party. Does she think she’s too good for the party? If we all have to be here, then she does too! Really, Aunt Who Missed The Party, really?
- The Lone Child: The Lone Child’s other cousin friends did not show up to the party tonight. The Lone Child is abandoned, and mad at their parents for making them attend the party. The Lone Child is also mad at their cousin friends for leaving them hanging like this. They sit on the couch all night, surfing the channels, trying to pass time and fill the void.
- The Outlier Cousin: This cousin is much older than all the other cousins and is in the unknown territory between the adult table and the kid’s table. Which will they chose? Stay tuned, on this episode of “Everybody Loves the Rolls.”
- The Uncle Who Was Right: Remember that time the uncle said that one thing? Well get a load of this, he was right. The Uncle Who Was Right won’t let anybody get away this. By the end of tonight, everybody, and I mean everybody, will know that he was right.
- Child Who Just Wants Some Dang Attention: Will anybody ever pay attention to them? Anybody? Just a simple game of hide and seek, blocks, cards, anything? Just one game guys, help ’em out. They don’t have a phone yet so they basically have nothing to do but sulk. Just one game guys, one game.
- Cousin Who Did It: This cousin has done it. Have you heard about the thing they’ve done? They’ve done it. They are amazing, stellar, a superstar, and all the other cousins are inferior. Cause you know what, they did it.
There it is, the 10 family party archetypes. I hope that you all (all one of you all) can relate to this. I fit about every archetype on here, except the coveted roles of Wise Pop and Hard-working Grand mom. No one can live up to them.
P.S. Did you hear the uncle was right?